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I share some expressive writing tips for holiday stress on AM Northwest!

Holiday Wish List: The night before the big event (Thanksgiving, Christmas, family arriving, etc.), make a list of your expectations. What do you hope will happen? What would you like to see happen? It can be anything from hoping your mom and brother won’t fight, to hoping you get that spa weekend you wanted from your husband. This will set your intentions for the holiday and will help you start off on a positive, hopeful note.

Recipe Relief: In the midst of the stress and chaos of the holidays, sometimes you need to take a second to let your mind wander.  Instead of reading a recipe for stuffing or pumpkin pie, find a quiet room to quickly jot down a “recipe” for yourself that would help make you feel at ease.  For example, you could write “2 margaritas, 1 massage therapist, 1 beach in Mexico, and 2 tubs of ice cream.” The imagery will help you feel relaxed and might even make you laugh.

Grateful for Eggnog: Sometimes it can be difficult to think of anything that you’re grateful for when you are stressed and overwhelmed.  Start making a list of things you’re grateful for, beginning with the things right in front of you like eggnog and tree lights. You’ll quickly notice that your list will move from inanimate objects to people and more meaningful ideas, broadening your perspective and allowing you to see the bigger picture.

Mother-in-Law Haiku: Unfortunately, the holidays can be a time where a particular person really gets under your skin.  Whether it’s your mother-in-law, aunt, cousin, or sister, everything the person does can drive you nuts. Instead of taking your frustrations out on them, write a haiku. You can write three simple lines (5/7/5 syllables) to get things off your chest or develop a short mantra to help you make it through the tough moments. Haikus are short enough to where you can remember them and repeat them to yourself as often as necessary, without having to say anything negative to that special person.   

Jackie Hooper, creator of wouldhavesaid.com, a place where she posts letters written from anyone to anyone and portray a variety of emotions, is releasing a collection of those letters in book-form called, “The Things You Would Have Said.”

The book will be released on Thursday, March 15, and Hooper will be reading from it at 7:30 p.m. that day at Powell’s Books on Hawthorne, 3723 S.E. Hawthorne Blvd., in Southeast Portland. A few of the authors of letters in the book will also read at the event.

The hardcover book, published by Hudson Street Press, is divided into chapters by the topics of the letters, which include words of gratitude to past teachers, to letters of sorrow addressed to missed relatives and requests for reconnection between former friends, among others.

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One letter in the book is addressed to Disney World, from a 16-year-old who expressed gratitude to the amusement park. Another is from a father to the son he lost when he was 13-months-old.

Hooper started the website and began collecting the letters in 2009 after actress Natasha Richardson died suddenly in a skiing accident. Hooper told the Oregonian in 2010 that she was emotionally moved by Richardson’s death.

“It brought all those feelings in, like that her husband or her sons would have so much to say to her,” Hooper said. “I thought that people who have gone through those things would want this kind of outlet.”

For more information on Hooper and the book, visit The Things You Would Have Said website.  

– Molly Hottle

To see the article on OregonLive.com, click here!

In March of 2009, I set out to begin my letter-collecting journey. Deeply touched by the sudden death of actress Natasha Richardson and the media coverage that ensued, I was plagued with overwhelming emotions about unexpectedly losing a loved one. I was particularly concerned with Natasha’s husband and two boys — I kept wondering what they might have wanted to say to her if they could have one last conversation, one last exchange of “I love you”s, one last time to say everything they appreciated and admired about her. While we can always hope that special person knows how we feel, life oftentimes gets in our way of telling or showing someone the degree to which they are needed and loved. I wanted to dig deeper into why that was — why we let so many important conversations go unspoken — and if these “final words” ever crossed the minds of others.

I immediately began giving presentations around my community, posing the idea to others and encouraging a response. I called it “The Things You Would Have Said.” I traveled to third grade classrooms and activity groups at retirement homes with the intent of gathering stories from as many ages and backgrounds as I could muster. After explaining my inspiration for the project, I asked people to write a letter to someone saying something they had always wanted to say but never did. I so desperately wanted to ignite this conversation in everyone around me, whether it addressed a person that had passed away or an issue with someone in their lives today. I was willing to wait as long as I needed for others to feel comfortable sharing their deepest thoughts, regrets and unanswered questions with a then 23-year-old, wide-eyed and unknowing stranger.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait long. Within days of presenting to groups — and even minutes with some — I was handed letters written to former bullies and cancer-stricken parents. I learned about a father of a 9-year-old girl who drank so much that it scared her. I was welcomed into the home of a wife without a husband, a husband who killed himself in their garage and left himself hanging for her to find. I sat in on a man’s memory of a former high school flame, wistfully wishing they could reconnect. People fervently shared what had been weighing on their hearts for days, months, even years. And all I had to do was ask.

As the number of letter submissions grew, I started to post one each day on a website, www.wouldhavesaid.com and many letters were now being sent via email. In doing so, my identity lessened even more. Nobody saw what I looked like or heard my voice. No one knew my age, no one asked for my credentials or a business card and no one doubted me when I assured them their names and emails would not be shared on the internet. They trusted me. They had so many thoughts and emotions aching to be purged that I earned their trust simply because I was anxiously waiting to listen. I was there, ready and willing to give support. One of the many things I’ve learned from this project is that people not only need someone there to listen, but they need someone there who wants to listen.

Thankfully, I’m not the only one who wants to listen. As I post letters on the site, readers across the world are captivated by them, wanting to know more about the writers and how they can help. They give cyber-hugs and openly let writers know how intensely they can relate. Though I can’t help but wonder why it’s easier for us to confide in the faceless Internet, all while we suppress feelings and retract from those we love and see every day, I see this process as a stepping stone. A support group. A drawing board where people can bounce ideas off one another and offer advice on how to deal with difficult situations. And for those who have lost beyond repair, it’s a place to find solace and lean on each other for support.

Do you have things left unsaid in your own life? Write them down. Allow yourself to take that moment and tend to your own needs. You deserve the attention, and your feelings shouldn’t be left unnoticed. More importantly, share them. Tell a loved one if you can, or find a caring newcomer. It is often the case that your confidant is going through a similar internal struggle, perhaps even worse. Comfort each other. By sharing our stories, we can inspire one another with our strength.

Always remember that what you have to say is worthy. It doesn’t matter how much time has gone by or what stage of the process you “should” be passing through. People want to hear about what you’re dealing with right now, even it if means tangling with cobwebs or making extra room for baggage. Believe that people want you as part of their community. Ask them to be part of yours.

“The Things You Would Have Said” project has been a much needed reminder that the world isn’t always as cold as it may feel at times, and you are not alone. Each moment I receive a letter from someone courageously sharing what they would have said, their confession serves as an offering, an extension of themselves: “This is me. This is what I’m going through.” And each letter that follows is an example of the universal reply that lies within all of us: “Me too.”